The moment I smiled

 I haven’t made time for posting. I wrote a little bit, but the truth is I have missed a writing deadline and I am working hard to make sure I am not missing another one, so I needed to focus more on academic writing and less on blog writing. It’s not easy, as I love to write for the sake of writing, it gives me clarity and, pretty honest, is the sort of “me time” I actually enjoy.

However, something truly amazing happened today which should not be forgotten, so here we go! It’s something so extraordinary and insignificant at the same time: just the story of a small moment in time when I felt overwhelmed by gratitude for life itself.

Basically I realized how far I’ve come, personally. I am against differentiating between personal life and professional life, mostly because it doesn’t feel authentic to me, but that’s another story. However, in this case is important to make the point. So bare with me, contradiction and I are close friends.

I made a conscious decision to focus on work about six years ago. Mostly because I am one of those people who consider that what we actually do defines who we are, thus work is crucial to me. Paid or unpaid. I said yes to great opportunities and focused my attention towards doing my best. These decisions helped me overcome my tendency to focus on the past and to stay (mostly) present. I poured some effort into it, especially at first, as I was in the habit of reminiscing about more or less pleasant memories. With time, this happened less and I was able to remain more time present. While day dreaming about the future, too. 

But today there was that moment… I was in my favorite coffee place in Bucharest (now, where else? One just needs to take a look at my instagram profile to observe I am a coffee aficionado). I usually check in on Wednesdays and Thursdays, just to say hello, it’s on my way to school, so I just have to make the stop. Today was a bit more special though, as I went with a colleague for a 40 minutes work break.

We sat where we usually sit when we go together and as I was arranging my clothes I heard a song from a past relationship. And I smiled. Then I realized I was smiling. And then, there, just for a second before I continued my day, I felt grateful.

It was the first time in ages I thought of those times with such a genuine acceptance of everything that happened. It felt comforting to know that somehow, the experiences of the past years brought me to a point where I look back and I smile.



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