Day off

My perspective on my today was not good. In fact, it was completely bad.

I kept complaining. I kept paying more attention to the voices in my head, than to those who tried to make sense of the words I pronounced. And even the voices in my head were taking sides.

The thing was that I really didn’t believe half about the words I said today. I heard myself talk and somewhere, deep down, I knew it wasn’t real. I knew it wasn’t my truth, though I kept repeating the same thing over and over again, to those who wanted to listen to my complaints.

It got myself thinking and I believe this is one of my charming habits. I believe I do this every time something I do bothers me. I say its something other people do or that it’s an ethical problem of some sort, but the truth is, I am upset because the decisions I made were not aligned with my priorities.

Basically, I know that what I need to do in this period is to turn off the noise and to keep my eyes on the prize. I need to say no way more often than I do. I need much more time for me and my work than I take. And then I get defensive and explain why I must say yes when I need to say no is important.

I am right all the time, when I say yes, when I explain why I said yes and when I think about the reasons why I should have said no.

But I am rather new at this and saying no when I care about something or someone is so difficult to me. I tried some of the advice on the subject, such as, “when it’s not a priority, say no!”, but it’s not working for me as well as I expected it to work.

What I hope it’s working, however, because it’s what I am going to do it, is:

  • to allow myself to make the mistake of saying yes when I should have said no – it’s in the past,
  • to not feel guilty about it and to not criticize myself for it – no guilt trip,
  • to allow myself to focus on the present and get the thing done – stay present!

Let’s get back to work!

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