I am on a deadline.
It’s my constant state. I need to deliver a product and I want it to be good. I want it so much, that I am thinking continuously about what I should be doing to improve its current state. I think about it so much that somehow, I manage to paralyze myself. And to question my every decision.
This pressure of a deadline talks in one line and one line only: This should have been done by now! I am not saying it’s wrong. Well, I am actually saying it’s wrong. Why should it have been ready by now? Sure, there are tons of things I am postponing, like meeting my friends, taking long relaxing walks, going to the mountains, visit my family, reading some fiction… I rebel at times and I take breaks, but I don’t manage to enjoy them at all. I became even more frustrated, if that’s possible.
Now, this pressure of the deadline is misleading. Yes, I wish my thesis was ready and presented last year. Yes, I wish I were focusing on something else right now. Yes, I wish a lot of things would have happened by now, by they weren’t and I just have to deal with the fact that the reality is different than the ideal situation.
And one of the facts I am dealing with right now is to remove all these pressures I inflict upon myself. Because if there is someone stressing me out that someone is me.