Reflections on life

21st of October 2020.

On life and on death. Because can it really be one without the other? Doesn’t death help us value life and try our hardest? We know there will come the day when the world will move on without us. We can only hope our good behaviours will be remembered by those left behind. If there is anyone left behind that cared enough to remember us, that is.

My dad was lucky in this sense. He’ll always have us to think about what a great father he was. How much he loved us and how hard he cared for us. For all the small and big things he taught us about life and work and fun and spirituality. For his support in making the decisions we wanted to make, despite his concerns or disagreements.

He was never happy about my decision to move away from home for university and throughout the years he pondered on my reasoning. Regardless, he knew I made the right choice. He questioned it, but he supported it. Like when I wanted to come home and he encouraged me to keep trying. He knew it would get better. And it totally did.. That’s unconditional love.

I see him in my mind sitting on his chair and reflecting on the world. I know his voice so well and without actually hearing him I can hear the sentences he said in one moment or another. He was not a perfect man, as neither of us really is. But he was perfect in my eyes..

My father taught me so much about life. But the biggest lesson of all was that I am an autonomous person and I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. He taught me about liberty and responsibility in practice by example. Like allowing me the space to make mistakes and try again.

Whenever I think of all the children who grew up without a father, I am so saddened as I know how crucial it is to have a dad present and active in one’s life. I am not going to lie and say that I am not terrified about what a future without my dad in it entails. There were so many topics on which we disagreed, but he was my compass.

It’s incredible to me how something as natural as death generates so much pain and heartbreak. I am saddened to my core while full of gratefulness for having the privilege to have been my father’s daughter.

I am not sure how my life is going to change as a result of dad’s passing, but there is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that my life is not the same. I hope to be strong enough to be kind, to have more compassion for the world and to have a more in-depth grasp on the world.

I received so many heartfelt messages and vibes from family and friends and I am immensely grateful for that. I haven’t felt lonely throughout this experience, while I also benefitted from time spent alone. This entire process is highly spiritual; it takes much strength and introspection to try to make sense of it, to understand it and to accept it,

If nothing else, try spending some time with those people you love. Enjoy the right now because this is all we really have. Make today count!

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Walking is my therapy. Last Saturday, instead of posting, I made a small video. I dedicate it to my dad:

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